A Cruel Sort of Torture

Have you ever been so frustrated for no reason at all but it made you want to scream at the top of your lungs?  Oh.  Just me?  Liar.

The gloom of Winter is well on it's way, and I've learned more and more over the past few years just how horrible an enemy it can be.  Winter is some cruel invention of nature intended to punish all manic-depressive people.  I swear.  Why would I make something like that up?

For me it's like this horrible feeling just creeps up and it permeates my whole life.  My mood is crappy; I'm irritable, and the littlest things seem to bother me.  ('How was work, Jess?' 'Shut the f--- up, that's the stupidest thing you've ever asked me!'...yeah, like that)  I'm stressed about everything, easily depressed, and my neurotic thoughts pop up at every turn.  I feel like I can barely function some days.  I feel hopeless alot.  And lonely.  That's the worst.

It's like Hell.  Really.  My own personal Hell on Earth.  It's Doom, and I'm Reaper, chasing my inner demons around this stupid, poorly designed series of maps (my brain...) and at the end I think I'm free (Yay!) but I jump in the teleport-thing and Bam!  More Hell (Ahhhh! Noooooo!).  And I'm sad.  And just so lonely, but when I ask for attention I then feel guilty, and it's like 'I should be alone with my thoughts' (WTF?  How does that work?) so I can sort through all the crap I'm feeling.  Sound like Hell, yet?

Well, this winter, I'm actually conscious and aware of what's going on.  In the past I never really thought enough about it to place the connection between the season and my moods; the lack of light on the chemical inbalance in my head.   But I've decided I'm not going to let it get out of control this year.  I'm looking into some herbal and homeopathic "remedies" (bring on the jokes, b----es!) and will keep you abreast (insert pun here) of my progress.  Apparently they call this being proactive.

I've learned from the always reliable Internet that the following are good for the Winter Blues:

St. John's Wort (been there, done that, makes good tea)
Passiflora
Skullcap (unfortunately, I do not own any skullcaps...is a beanie ok?)
Calc carb
Alumina (Hey! I used to drive one of those.  What does it have to do with mental health?!?)
Aurum met
Nat mur
Kali phos

Ok, so I don't know what half of that shit is, but I'm willing to try anything.  Wish me luck?

I think that's all for today folks.  Stay tuned for more fun times with Jess, The Poor Lunatic from Around the Way.

Next time: Voices in my Head